: Mystic Dreams :

2004-08-22T00:49:00.000+08:00

hmm .. guess it's been a while since i last blogged .. well .. i dont think there's much that i can say in here .. life's been a roller-coaster for the past few weeks i guess .. and my exam's only 3 weeks away .. i'm so SO DOOMED !! wish that i had studie more the whole year .. aihz .. well .. i have 1 week holz and i've not planned anything yet .. mebbe i'll spend the time studying .. or mebbe i'll just relex .. i dunno lar .. guess i shud go off and sleep now .. gotta wake up real early tomoro .. nitez~!

2004-07-29T20:46:00.000+08:00

heyz.. damn long didnt blog edi. ehehe. actually it's only a few days lar. anyway, nothing much to say lar. today went to skewl. was damn bored lar. first period was like econs and pn. kok was lecturing us about our montly exam grades. haihz, almost fell asleep lar. keep feeling really tired this few days. dunno why lar. well, the whole day in skewl was like usual. after skewl hitched a ride with quan xiong and chin han. quan xiong's mom drop me off at chin han's house first coz quan xiong and chin han wanted to take a bath first before goin to mayang. well, nobody was at home in chin han's house. i was kinda like tensed but then it wasnt for long lar since 10 minutes later quan xiong's mom came and picked us up again (you wont believe how fast guys can bathe). went to mayang, spend the day with chi xian. had a really REALLY great time with him. lol. then came home around 7pm. was damn sked that my parents will kill me but luckily for me, im still alive =3

hmm.. guess that's all that happened today. nothing outta the ordinary i guess (unless you wanna count me seeing chin han's house for the first time as something outta the ordinary lar). haha. gotta go makan my dinner edi. ciaoz~

finally...

2004-07-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

im okay already. finally im happie again. i have my panda back and i wont do anything stupid to lose him again. we've talked things over and came to the conclusion that we shud give each other another chance. i need him as much as he needs me.. mebbe more. it's hard to imagine life without him now that im so commited to him already. just hope that things will work out for us. anyways, glad that i have friends like teri and yen. thx being there for me when i need u guys the most. guess i shud go and sleep now. tomoro still hafta go to skewl. haihz.. nitez~!

2004-07-25T10:01:00.000+08:00

damn.. my hand hurt.. fark it lar. i wud have just end my life.. if chi xian hadnt stopped me.. if he didnt call.. everything wud have ended last nite. all my pain and suffering wud have just end. all it took was 1 call from him to stop me.. *ouch* my hand hurts like shyt rite now. dammit ! it didnt hurt at all last nite. guess i was too numb to even feel anything then. haihz. it's my fault lar. im the one who asked him to leave. and now im crying coz of that. why does love hurt so much ? he said he still needs me. does he even know how much i need him too ? but.. i cant be weak.. im not suppose to be weak.. i've made a decision.. i shud stick to my decision. for his sake.. i need to be strong.. but.. it's so hard to be strong.. hard to be strong without him by my side supporting me, guiding me.. damn.. it really hurts.. both my hand and my heart..

2004-07-24T18:59:00.000+08:00

feel so lost. so so lost.. i know what i did was for our sake. but why does my heart tells me that it's wrong ? it's not like i really wanna do it. but then i dont want to hurt him more. this is the second and last time i'll hurt him already. no way im hurtin him another time. i really dont want to do this. im really sorrie. i wish that i cud take back my words and pretend nothing's happened, but then i'll only continue hurting him. he was so care-free last time. i've changed him. im really sorrie..

2004-07-24T01:24:00.000+08:00

haihz.. chi xian's pissed at me. he said he went out yum cha at 9pm somthing and came back before 11pm just to chat with me. but i totally ignored him most of the times. i mean like, how am i suppose to chat and play RO at the same time ? at least i didnt totally ignore him or somthing like that. anyway, i bite my tongue and let him bite off my head again this time. im not gonna make matters worst by losing my temper also. i really dont get it. we're fine when we're both together but when we're apart, we always tend to argue. i really dont know what to do. he's changed so much. anyway, today in skewl, my class was like suppose to be having this econs exam *sighz* and i didnt really studie for it. so in the end, i just gave up and didnt bother to pass up my book. i know i know. i'll get scolded by teacher when she found out, but i just dont care. i dont really bother bout much stuff rite now. im too lost and too muddled up to think off other stuff. i really need to get my priorities straight first and figure out what i want in life. eesh. this is so not gonna be easy. guess i betta go to bed. suppose to wake up later in the morn and have breakfast with teri. nitez~!

2004-07-22T19:18:00.000+08:00

yay~ i've passed my english oral !! got 37/50. was damn worried that i cudnt get any marks coz i wasnt prepared at all. damn scarie lar. i was like standin rite i front of the whole class and my mind was like totally blank. all i cud say was "erm..", "uhh..". but at least i finally manage to crap some stuff out. tomoro i'll need to do betta. wanna get betta marks for english. it's the only subject that im good in. anywayz, wish me luck for tomoro's oral lar kayz ? =3

2004-07-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

oh well.. today was kinda okay i guess. tried to concentrate on other stuffz instead of chi xian. stopped myself from thinkin too much (tho it's not really working). oh and guess how was my accounts exams. haha. my accounts teacher didnt come so we just copied like it's the most normal thing to do (well, actually it is lar but who cares? ). teri's in my room rite now sittin on my bed and crappin to herself. haha. wish i can take a picture of her sittin bed readin a magazine and talkin to herself. ehehe. anywayz, was chattin to teri just now bout lotsa stuffz that's on my mind lately. felt real good to be able to get some of my problems off my shoulders. haihz, feels like im drifting further away from chi xian. didnt called or chatted to him at all today. damn. wish i can tell what's goin on with him. he's changed so much. it's more like im dating with a stranger rather than my old panda. teri suggest that i shud just tell him how i feel but how can i when it's like whateva he says hurts me and me him ? wish that i cud get back the old panda i knew once. really hope that the old panda's still alive.. britney's song 'everytime' really suits my feelings now. and there's one part that i really wud like to tell to chi xian. it goes like :

i may have made it rain
please forgive me
my weakness caused you pain
and this song is my sorry

i really dont know how long more i can stand this. really wish that i can turn back time rite now.. dont know if he'll forgive me or trust me again. it's just i hate feeling lonely. and im definately feeling really REALLY lonely rite now.

2004-07-20T20:36:00.000+08:00

die liao !! tomoro im gonna be having accounts exam. shyt lar. hvnt studied for anything yet. and summore i hvnt finish my stewpid moral project. damn damn damn. how ler ? feel like wanna skip skewl tomoro but i know it's impossible. haihz. guess the only way is to pakat with my classmates. eesh. hate this kinda stewpid projects lar. gonna be sleeping at 1am in the morn 1 for sure. another sark-ish part is, i really miss my old panda. so damn not used to this new panda. dunno how to act around him anymore. dunno what shud i say, what shudnt i say. damn afraid of sayin sumtin wrong and we both end up arguein again. he needs time. im givin him all the time he needs, but sumtimes.. i need someone by my side too. i dont like bein lonely. loneliness got me into this mess in the first place. i really dont know.. dont know how to cope with loneliness at all. i dont know how long i can stand this. i might go insane, or worst, im worried i might do the same mistake again. now im tryin to hang out with my friends more to fill the loneliness but still.. it just isnt enuf. what can i do now ? seems like this relationship is goin nowhere. the trust is lost edi. i dont see how can i get it back. really, shud i just end everything now before either one of us gets hurt again ?

2004-07-19T17:56:00.000+08:00

something's not rite. dont really know what but feels like something's really wrong. called chi xian just now but it was like, blah. nuttin much to say to each other. we used to be able to comunicate without any prob, but now feels like he's so distant already. this is a bad sign. haihz, if i had not been an idiot last time and skrued everything up, guess i wont even be in this position. anyway, skewl sarks today. after perhimpunan there was spot check. damn the pengawas lar, i had to cut my nails and get the stewpid 'tanda sesi'. eesh. damn pissed at the disipline teachers lar. in class also damn bored. was spacing out again. didnt listen to what teacher said. the whole day was just like always lar. go skewl, come home, online. nuttin new. can die of boredom lar like that.

2004-07-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

life sarks. and i really really mean it. i have no idea what to do. im so freakin lost !! feel like stranggling someone rite now.

2004-07-16T20:48:00.000+08:00

skipped skewl today with chin han and wai wen. ehehe. went to o1 and played for 5 hours. then in the noon went and find chi xian. seems like im seeing him a lot for the past few days. lalala~ who's complainin ? =3 i dont mind seeing him like every single day but i doubt it'll happen. rainned in the evening. i was wearing my hot pants that time, so i was like, almost freezing. haihz, teri's damn bad. say wanna go ice-skating with me tomoro but go and spent all her money on shoppin. damn smart lar tero ! ish. now cant go ice-skatin tomoro liao coz nobody to teman me. *sobz* damn tired liao lar. tonite im sure i'll sleep damn early 1. guess i betta go and get some dinner first. later chi xian might skip another meal again coz i skipped mine too. *blueakz*

2004-07-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

shudnt have went to skewl today. so many peepz skipped skewl lar. if i knew i'll skip too. teri, jean, sand and shidah all pakat-ed to skip skewl. luckie sue and yen came or it'll end up me having recess all alone. die lor.. so many homework hvnt do. and most of them has to be passed up by tomoro. sure die 1 lar. hope chin han decides to skip skewl tomoro, then at least i can follow him. ehehe. anywayz, nothing much happened today. went to spyder rite after skewl and spended like, the whole afternoon there with chi xian (it was rainin heavily that time and chi xian was sorta soaked at the top part. hehe. he looks so adorable !). then came home around like 7 something. luckie parents didnt suspect anything lar. or else i'll definately be in deep shyt. ops, mom's calling. guess i'd betta go and have my dinner now. ciaoz~

2004-07-14T19:11:00.000+08:00

yay~ feeling way happier already !~ manage to modify my blog's skin and am really satisfy with the results. keke. chatted with chi xian on the phone just now. ehehe. mood's definately getting betta. mebbe i just kinda really miss him a lot. i dunno. anyways, gonna go to mayang tomoro after skewl. yay~~ get to meet chi xian altho it's just for a few hours, but who cares ? as long as i get to see him then im happie ^^

2004-07-14T17:09:00.000+08:00

my moodiness strikes again. if only i cud figure out what's wrong.. nothing bad happened in skewl (unless u wanna count in the part where juin yan came to my class and teased me), chin han just apologized this afternoon, im not mad at anyone, so what's the problem here ?? damn, if only i know what's wrong. guess im moodie coz i dont know what's wrong with me. makes sense when u think of it that way. eesh, what am i crapping about ? mebbe i need to get a life. RO used to be a part of my life. now, i have too much free time on my hand. dang, exam's in a month's time. i really shud start panickin bout it. sejarah teacher's still teaching us bab 2 and we have like what ? 10 babs to cover. definately in deep shyt already. guess it's time to consider goin to tuition already.

2004-07-13T14:19:00.000+08:00

been thinkin too much again. cudnt concentrate in skewl. too many things on my mind. first, chin han's still acting like a jerk and wudnt apologize. fine, like as if i care. changed place with another guy in my class. no way im gonna sit at the same row with chin han if he's still gonna be such an idiot. second, the subjects are getting tougher and since i didnt even listen to teacher from the start, i found out that i dont get wat the heck was the teacher saying the whole time. damn, not only that, there's still loads of stuffs that are bothering me. wish i knew how to settle it all. kim foong tot me and liz had another arguement and offered to help us to patch things up. i didnt know how to tell her that it's not just an arguement. guess liz didnt tell kim foong anything bout wat i've said to her. great, looks like it's gonna rain. it'll definately suit my mood. think i'll go and listen to hilary duff's 'come clean' again.

2004-07-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

cant believe this. all along i've trusted my best friend so much, cant believe it was all a lie. fark it ! hate it when im so naive. i tot that most guys are untrustable, neva tot that i cudnt even trust my own BEST FRIEND !! wtf ?! guess im really betta off without her. she tot that im losing our 5 year friendship because of 2 guys. haha. if only it was that simple. everything she did or say involves me including gettin me into trouble. i learned to skip skewl, lie and scold from her. damn it !! why didnt i see that she was bad news from the start ?

2004-07-12T00:57:00.000+08:00

walaueh.. so damn tired rite now. went out the whole day. from 8am-12am. ehehe. at first went to my skewl for the skewl carnival. that time chi xian was acting weird and moodie. didnt know what was wrong with him that time. i sorta ignored him most of the times i guess. then went to sunway pyramid with him, sook fun and onward. we met up with chee how and ah chun there (they had to take another cab). me and chi xian were still having the silent war that time i guess. everyone was like telling us to chill and advising us. but i was really pissed. anywayz, we made up in the end. guess the rest of the day was really enjoyable. went ice-skating with the whole bunch of peepz. i had to force chi xian to go ice-skating with me coz he didnt wanna. then me and chi xian went to 1u to watch some movies. we were planning to watch spidey2 at first but the show was like 9 something. so we decided to have a movie marathon and watch mean girls (staring lindsay lohan) at 7.30pm then go watch spidey2 at 9.35pm. the show ended at 11.50pm and boy, was i exausted. guess chi xian felt the same. man, im really tired rite now but forced myself to jot down some stuff first. well, guess im really happie that chi xian went ice-skating with me. ice-skating is my passion. the last time i ice-skated was like the time when i was still dating with.. well.. my 1st. anyway, today really was a great day. guess i'll go to bed now. feel like gonna KO any sec soon.

2004-07-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

sighz.. feel so damn frustrated. guess i need somewhere to put down my tots. what is up with guys ? one minute it's like ur the world to them, the next they say they're feeling insecure. guys are so unpredictable, even if u know them for a 100 years, u still wont be able to figure out their next moves. felt so bored the whole day. went to see the doc this mornin and wasted 40 bux to buy the medicine. and i hate taking medicine !! eww, it tasted so *eww-ish*. the worst part is, i'll need to take it till it's finished. haihz, talk about pure torture. anywayz, tomoro's my skewl's carnival ! yay~~ been waiting so long for it. im sure they'll be loads of fun !~ hope to be able to hang out with the old crowd (teri, jean, yen, etc..) really miss them alot. we really should find some time and hang out with each other like the old times. aikz, my parents are out with my sis for dinner. didnt wanna follow them coz not feeling well. guess i should go find something to fill my tummy then.